• Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Kalyn Brooke

Simple Solutions to Manage Everyday Life

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Shop
  • Contact

The Spender vs. The Saver: How to Coexist When You’re Complete Opposites

September 27 // 5 Comments // 4 Minute Read

Jump To Recipe · Print Recipe
  • Facebook40
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest207
  • Email
I'm a tried-and-true saver, but when I met my husband, he was a total spender. In fact, he still is! So how does this spender and saver thrive financially in marriage? These five crucial relationship strategies make all the difference.

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure policy here.

I thought I was the only one who married my complete opposite! I love seeing a big bank account balance but for some reason, my husband gets that same thrill out of spending whatever he can. There's a lot of great advice in here about how to have a happy marriage and to build on each others strengths rather than constantly criticize their weaknesses. #marriageandmoney #moneyinmarriage #marriagetips #budgeting

Ever since 6th grade, I knew I wanted to marry my now-husband, Joseph. It started out as a silly school-girl crush, but turned into hundreds of diary entries by the time I entered high school. Imagine my over-the-moon excitement when he finally looked my way!

However, there was a time when I seriously second-guessed our relationship. We were both working at Summer camp, and talked at length about the possibility of marriage. The subject of finances was brought up, and quickly spiraled into a reveal session that totally through me for a loop.

There was $41 in his checking account, and absolutely no savings. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Get my drift?

I realized then just how much of a spender he was. I didn't love him any less, but I knew if we were to move forward in our relationship, we had to nail down a system that would pay our bills, build savings, and work for both of us.

I have to tell you—as total opposites, it sure wasn't easy finding common ground. In fact, we still have quite a few setbacks! But over the past nine years of marriage, we've also learned how to communicate more effectively and make financials decisions that help us both thrive.

So no matter where you fall on the Saver vs. Spender spectrum, I want to share five critical “rules” that have kept money disagreements from ruining my own marriage. 

1. Accept Who They Are

I'm convinced more than ever that you can't turn a Spender into a Saver and vice versa. You can install good habits, but when it comes down to it, this is simply something that is just ingrained in our DNA! So instead of fighting the way your spouse is, focus on their good qualities—the ones you fell in love with in the first place.

Joseph and Kalyn aka the Spender and Saver

For instance, one trait that attracted me to Joseph was his generosity. He was the person who always offered to pay for dinner with friends. He also loved helping others with house projects and car rides, no matter if he got paid for labor or gas.

While I feared people would take advantage of him, I'm still thankful I have such a thoughtful and caring husband. I love him for it, and try to work with this aspect of his personality, instead of constantly create arguments surrounding it.

2. Work Together Towards a Common Goal

Have you ever talked with your spouse about what goals you have for your money? I mean, really talked?

I recently read The Recovering Spender by Lauren Greutman, and I loved her suggestion to create a Financial Bucket List. This helps realign your values as a couple, and outline what goals you want to both accomplish.

Lauren suggests you each create a Financial Bucket List separately, then go over your answers together. This provides you with a variety of talking points and will open the lines of communication about where you want to spend your money.

Spender and Saver - Inspiration from Lauren Greutman

3. Stay in Constant Communication

Speaking of communication, this step is crucial to maintain any sort of healthy financial relationship. Remember, you are a team, so you have to let each other know what's going on!

  1. As a Spender, it's your responsibility to keep your spouse up to date with receipts and anything you need to buy that day or week.
  2. As a Saver, it's your responsibility keep your spouse up to date on which expenses need to be worked on, and a general financial overview so they're not kept in the dark.

One thing that really helps with this are Budget Meetings. It doesn't have to be a formal get-together or anything—10 minutes a week should suffice. These “meetings” are a great way to keep each other accountable and talk about what's working and what's not.

4. Allow Freedom Within Limits

I'm a firm believer money should be shared in marriage, but it's also healthy to have a slush fund for each person in the relationship. Both Joseph and I have “fun money”, and designate a specific amount every paycheck to fund this category.

Basically, this money is totally unaccounted for, and we can decide where to spend it without the approval of the other person. Not only does it relieve the pressure, it also allows each of us to buy something we wouldn't normally buy…and get away with it!

The only thing standing between everyday chaos and a streamlined, well-organized life are these five organizational tools. Learn how to set goals, stay on top of your to-do's, come in under budget, and keep your life on track and running smoothly!

You might only be able to afford $5-$10 every paycheck to start. That's okay. Our budget is tight enough where we can't do much more than that either. But it's still fun to save up for a special treat, regardless of how long it takes.

5. Offer Forgiveness and Understanding

Lastly, remember neither one of you is perfect. There are going to be financial screw ups on both sides, no matter how responsible you are! For instance, there's been times when I've forgotten to pay a bill and incurred a late fee, or Joseph grabs takeout when we have no money left in our food budget.

Things like this are bound to happen. The real test is in how you respond to it.

In The Recovering Spender, Lauren shares the defining moment when she confessed to her husband about the $40,000 debt she had accumulated in various loans and credit cards. Although he knew they were in financial trouble, he didn't know the extent of the damage.

What could have been a drag out fight, was actually the start of a much-needed change. In fact, when Mark saw how much trouble they were in, his response was not one of anger or frustration. It was, “I forgive you. Let's get out of this together.” These words gave Lauren the confidence she needed to change her spending addition and heal from a lifetime of unwise choices.

Just think…how much better would our marriages be if we forgave financial mistakes, rather than held them against our spouse? I think quite a bit.

The Recovering Spender Book - Read it if you are in a Spender and Saver relationship!!Obviously The Recovering Spender had a huge impact on the way I personally look at my finances, and especially as a Saver vs. Spender couple.

To be honest, I didn’t think I would get anything out of it because I’m such a die-hard saver. But I enjoyed the book SO much, I now have a list of ideas I can't wait to implement myself!

The book is divided into two sections—one covers Lauren's own financial story and the other offers loads of practical tips to create a Recovering Spending Plan for yourself. Yes, even if you think you're a pretty darn good saver.

I promise you won't regret putting this gem on your bookshelf! Learn more about The Recovering Spender HERE.

Are you more of a Saver or a Spender?

Want more tips for how to manage money better? Check out this page for 60+ more tips!

Disclosure: Some of the links in the post above are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. Read my full disclosure policy here.

« Previous PostHow to Outsmart Your Supermarket
Next Post »How to Create Your Ideal Evening Routine


Comments

  1. Lindsey says

    September 13 at 8:02 am

    We have the same type of relationship! He is the spender and I am the saver. We work great together. He reminds me that it’s okay to spend money on things we need, and I make sure we are saving toward our goals.

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      September 15 at 9:12 am

      It can be such a huge advantage to have the separate perspective!

      Reply
  2. Leslie says

    September 13 at 10:31 am

    My boyfriend is a saver and i am not. It’s such a shame because I want to be so bad! Then we walk into a place like World Market and there are 4 “paint your own” sugar skull ceramic banks & I got the “eye” when I picked up 3, then put them all down except for 1. Haha, I’m working on it! Goals in savings are always a good idea and i’ve got the goal to get rid of my credit card debt by this time next year.

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      September 15 at 9:11 am

      Oh I’m so familiar with “the eye.” Usually because I’m the one giving it :). Keep working hard at that debt! One thing that motivates my spender husband is looking at the extra money that will suddenly be “appearing” in our budget when a debt is paid off. Then, of course, he starts imagining what we’ll be able to spend it on and I imagine what we should save it for. 😉

      Reply
  3. Kristen @ Joyfully Thriving says

    September 22 at 8:22 pm

    This is my husband and I as well. I’m the saver in our relationship too. The nice thing about the balance is that he reminds me (on occasion) that money is just money. It’s a tool and there are times we can choose to spend it. It’s a balancing act! I’m adding this book to my book list.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi, I’m Kalyn—a recovering perfectionist who nerds out about organizing systems, personal productivity, and helping you prioritize what matters over the pressure to do it all. I have a feeling we’re about to become the best of friends! Learn more >>

New? Start Here!

  • Take a Tour
  • Become a BFF
  • Favorite Recipes
  • The Printable Library
  • Just for Bloggers
  • Visit the Shop

kalynbrookeco

👩‍💻 | I help value-driven women lead manageable + meaningful lives.
💬 | INFJ / Enneagram 1
🚙 | RV Life @openroading
👇 | Resources + Links


Instagram post 2193191654663675970_242948575
The busiest month of the year doesn’t have to be one you dread, especially when you try this simple, yet brilliant hack: 👇⁣
⁣
**Number your to-do list.** ⁣
⁣
1️⃣ Start by spilling everything you need to do this week onto the page (don’t worry about the order yet!)⁣
2️⃣ Identify your top priority.⁣
3️⃣ Number the rest of your tasks in order of importance. That’s it!⁣
⁣
Psst… I use pencil just in case I change my mind and want to switch things around! ✏⁣
⁣
This method does two things:⁣
⁣
💛 It helps you focus on the next right thing...not ALL the things!⁣
⁣
💛 It forces you to prioritize. When everything is important, nothing is important. And you want to make sure the most important things actually get done. ⁣
⁣
FYI: You don’t have to go to every party or keep every tradition just because it’s something you “should” do or “always have done” in past holiday seasons. Lean into what you love most about this month and find freedom in letting the rest go. 👋⁣
⁣
Because somehow, having less stuff to do makes the things you CHOOSE to do all that more special. 💖

Instagram post 2190817877047784603_242948575
Even though we won't be spending Christmas in the RV, I just had to put up a few decorations to enjoy before we leave! 🎄⁣
⁣
The next three weeks will be our first time traveling without our home-on-wheels and I'm feeling all sorts of anxiety over choosing what items to pack. We've always had everything we need with us, which means I'll probably forget something. 😬 RV living tends to spoil you in that way!⁣
⁣
Q: Are you staying home for the holidays or going out of town?

Instagram post 2188622923628264971_242948575
Earlier this fall I hosted a Facebook challenge where I invited you to define what self-care looks like for your life while making an intentional effort to incorporate it into your week. 📆⁣
⁣
This event was even more popular than I expected, and I am so pleased with the positive results many of you shared!⁣
⁣
What I didn't expect? 👀⁣
⁣
The haters.⁣
⁣
Some readers morally disagreed with my Facebook self-care event and let me know by messaging me and calling self-care "misguided," "unbiblical," and even an "idol." ⁣
⁣
Let me be clear: I do agree that we should be careful about our priorities and not neglect our responsibilities completely for the sake of a little me-time.⁣
⁣
👨‍👩‍👦 Your family still needs you.⁣
👨‍👩‍👦 Your church still needs you.⁣
👨‍👩‍👦 Your community still needs you.⁣
⁣
What they don't need is someone who is a frazzled, stressed-out mess who serves out of obligation rather than joy. Because when we demonize rest, we inadvertently swing the pendulum the other way and create an idol out of working, serving, and hustling. ⚖⁣
⁣
God didn't intend for us to wear ourselves out for His glory. Rather, I think He created us with needs (food, water, shelter, rest, etc.) to remind us that we ultimately *need* Him.⁣
⁣
So when you take time to address those needs and care for yourself, remember that it's not selfish. It's just wise.

Instagram post 2186605700330038386_242948575
Are you ready for Turkey Day tomorrow? Although I’m not hosting this year, I’m helping my sis-in-law prepare and contributing my Creamy Parmesan Mashed potatoes and a cherry pie (Joseph’s request) ☝ to the menu. ⁣
⁣
When I *did* host Thanksgiving, my family made fun of me for being over-prepared, but they later told me it was the smoothest Thanksgiving they’ve ever had—and they weren’t just talking about the mashed potatoes! 🥔⁣
⁣
I relied on these seven tips to pull things off without a hitch:⁣
⁣
1️⃣ Read over your recipes one more time and confirm you have ALL the ingredients. ⁣
⁣
2️⃣ Create your day-of timeline. Calculate backward from dinner time so you know exactly what needs to be in the oven when.⁣
⁣
3️⃣ Copy/hang recipes on your cabinets  so you can see everything you need to make at a glance rather than being forced to flip through several cookbooks.⁣
⁣
4️⃣ Lay out and label all food dishes (including serving ware) with sticky notes.⁣
⁣
5️⃣ Set the table. (And perhaps bust out some crime scene tape to keep kiddos out of the dining room!) 🤣⁣
⁣
6️⃣ Make whatever food you can ahead of time, whether it’s chopping veggies, assembling dry ingredients, or making the entire recipe and refrigerating until it’s time to warm! ⁣
⁣
7️⃣ Do a quick clean of your kitchen so it’s fresh and ready for the big day!⁣
⁣
Remember: the point of Thanksgiving is NOT to pull it off perfectly. 🚫⁣
⁣
No one cares if you spill blueberries for the fruit salad all over the floor (true story) or you pull a too-jiggly peanut butter pie out of the fridge because it didn’t set right (also a true story). Those are just extra memories you can add to a table already brimming with abundance...and gratitude. 🍽Q: What is your favorite pie to eat at Thanksgiving?

Instagram post 2184616251306487700_242948575
Family members are just about as different as the ice cream toppings they choose. 🍨⁣
⁣
Even though we love them unconditionally, it's not easy for family to come together during the holidays and have it be completely drama-free. There's increased social pressure, obligation, tradition, personality differences, and always a comment or two that makes you bristle, whether it was intended that way or not! 😤⁣
⁣
So, how can you celebrate holidays without the drama? 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦⁣
⁣
PREPARE. Head into family get-togethers knowing how you’ll respond in a tense situation. 🗣⁣
⁣
Here are three ideas:⁣
⁣
1️⃣ Leave the conversation and start a new one with someone else. 🚶🏻‍♀️⁣
2️⃣ Ignore the frustrating comments, and shift the conversation. 🤐⁣
3️⃣ Engage--but instead of gearing up for battle, respond with a curiosity-driven dialogue. Ask questions in order to understand the other person's perspective, rather than focus on "winning" the argument. 🥊⁣
⁣
Most of all, prioritize being kind over being right. Because if you approach conversations with a different attitude, your button-pusher might too. 😉⁣
⁣
Q: On a lighter note, what is YOUR favorite ice cream topping? I love rainbow sprinkles!

Instagram post 2182143856291887272_242948575
Introverts, UNITE! Separately. In their own homes. And you better not stop by without calling...er...texting first. ⁣
⁣
Whether you're an introvert yourself or have a best friend who's idea of a wild Friday night is a date with a snuggly blanket and book, then you're going to love these brilliant gift ideas picked out by an introvert (that's me!) FOR introverts! ⁣
⁣
This roundup includes "Small Talk Survivor" pins, "Go Away" doormats and my new favorite sweatshirt, "It's Too Peopley Outside" among other laugh-worthy gifts. ⁣
⁣
Drop a gift emoji in the comments below, and I'll send you a link to the curated list. Or you can access the post via the link in my profile!


Load More…


Follow on Instagram


ARE YOU EXHAUSTED TRYING TO DO IT ALL?

Privacy Policy
You’ll love the freedom found inside my Saturday morning newsletter
Copyright © 2019 · Privacy Policy
ALMOST THERE!
Complete this form and click the button below to gain instant access.
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
ARE YOU EXHAUSTED TRYING TO DO IT ALL?
Privacy Policy
You'll love the freedom found inside my Saturday morning newsletter
Privacy Policy
ALMOST THERE!
Complete this form and click the button below to gain instant access.
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy
ALMOST THERE!
Complete this form and click the button below to gain instant access.
Privacy Policy
ALMOST THERE!
Complete this form and click the button below to gain instant access.
Privacy Policy