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The Book That Changed My Life

October 22 // 34 Comments // 4 Minute Read

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Does this sound like you? “I struggle to say yes, but when I say no I feel guilty.” Girl, you need to read The Best Yes. This resource helps you make smart decisions with total confidence!

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure policy here.

I just bought this book because I say YES to absolutely everything. It's almost impossible for me to say no! I clearly need help. This post was super encouraging, and I love how she's so careful about adding things to her schedule. I can only imagine this book will do exactly what she says it will—change my life! #sayingno #busy #overbooked #overwhelmed #thebestyesbook #lysaterkeurst #lifechangingbook

Over the past month, I’ve been reading The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst, and oh my stars…I could not put this one down! I rarely give a book 5-stars (I’m one of those super picky readers), but when there’s a book I can’t stop talking about, I want to shout it from the rooftops!!

If you’re part of my VIP email list, you probably heard me mention this book a time or two. But I finally decided it deserved it’s own post on the blog. See, I told you I can’t stop talking about it!

In the shortest overview I can give, The Best Yes is all about making wise decisions in the midst of endless demands. If you hate saying “yes” all the time, yet feel powerless to say “no”, this gem most definitely belongs on your bookshelf.

I took so many notes—in my journal and also by scribbling along the margins of the book—that I finally narrowed my takeaways down to seven critical lessons. These are things I want to remember anytime I’m adding a new activity to the schedule, and I hope they are encouraging to you too!

best-yes-3

Lesson #1: Your Decisions Determine Your Schedule

You know who is in charge of our calendar? We are. And yet we forget this very important factor when someone asks us to put one more thing on it.

Lysa gently reminds us, “You won’t ever be able to keep up with unrealistic.” And it’s so true! If we’re cramming our schedules full of things that are not our “best yes”, then we lose out on amazing opportunities because we’re emotionally shot by the time they come around.

The point is, we have to give ourselves margin, and that means saying “no” to good things…as uncomfortable as it might be. But this is only so we can say “yes” to the very best things later.

Lesson #2: Don’t Say Yes…Just to Impress

I don’t know about you, but the word “yes” (or some form of it) is constantly on the tip of my tongue. Need three dozen cookies by tomorrow? Sure! Want to have lunch next Tuesday? No problem. Have a project that needs an extra volunteer? I’m your girl!

I have the “disease to please” and it gets me into lots of trouble.

If that’s you too, remember that YOU are the one ultimately affected by the decision. If you’re afraid of disappointing someone else, yeah..it stinks. But walking away from the conversation feeling like you sold a part of your soul is even worse.

When I Say No I Feel Guilty | Your Best Yes Changed My Life

Lesson #3: You’re Not Always the Right Person

One of my favorite phrases from Lysa is this, “Not every assignment is my assignment”. Do you know how incredibly refreshing this is to hear? Just because we’re asked to do something doesn’t mean we’re the right person to do it. 

Recently, Joseph and I were asked to be part of a church ministry, and we honestly wondered if we should say yes. But after praying about it for a few days, we knew this particular ministry wasn’t our assignment right now. Instead, we decided to focus on the ministries we were already doing, rather than stretch ourselves too thin.

Don’t get me wrong—saying no isn’t an excuse to be selfish. It’s about balancing your time and emotional limits with your “best yes” assignments. This takes time, and practice, for sure, but I promise it does get easier!

Lesson #4: Don’t Delay Your Decisions

I hate admitting this—but when I don’t want to say “yes”, and also don’t want to say “no”, I’ll say, “I’m thinking about it.” Then get back to the person in a couple of weeks.

All this does is give the other person hope, and prevents them from making other plans. Both are not respectful of each other’s time.

If you need a couple days to truly think about the decision, go ahead, but don’t put off the inevitable simply because you don’t want confrontation. Honesty right up front is the best policy. Plus, the conversation is over a lot quicker!

best-yes-2

Lesson #5: Give a Gift With Your No

Saying “no” is totally awkward…at least at first. But a gracious way to say it is with a small gift of encouraging words.

Recently, a blogging colleague had a project she wanted to partner together with, but it just wasn’t a good fit for Creative Savings. I emailed back letting her know how proud I was of her accomplishment, and was sad I couldn’t accept. Then I asked her if I could forward her email to a few friends that it would be a good fit for.

She was thrilled I would even offer! Even though it was a “no” for me, it was also a small gift to her, and a possible “yes” from someone else.

Lesson #6: Don’t Always Say No

You might be thinking, “I finally have permission to say no!”

Well, kind of. Just be careful not to let the word “no” replace all the things you would’ve normally said “yes” to. 

Lesson #7: There is No Perfect Decision

As someone who wants to make the right decision all the time, this is the lesson I struggle with the most! But it’s SO TRUE. There is no perfect decision.

We can think, pray, belabor, and write a huge list of pros and cons, but ultimately, we have to make a choice. Sure, there are good decisions and bad decisions, and then there are good decisions and good decisions.

But with no perfect decision, you can free yourself from the fear of making a mistake.

Wow…so much GOOD STUFF, right? 

Honestly, I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface of The Best Yes. Do yourself a favor and grab a copy of this book so you can refer back to it often. It’s one you definitely want to keep on your bookshelf…or better yet, your nightstand!

When have you felt guilty for saying no?

Disclosure: Some of the links in the post above are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. Read my full disclosure policy here.

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Comments

  1. Elizabeth says

    August 1 at 9:27 am

    I love the “heck yeses only”. That is a great way to decide if my answer is yes or not, I’m using this one for sure!

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 3 at 2:18 pm

      Absolutely! I love that too!

      Reply
  2. Lindsey says

    August 1 at 12:22 pm

    I’m guilty of taking on WAY to much. I get so excited about free courses and new books that I end up with a pile of things to do that I’ve committed to. I’ve started taking a moment to look at what I’ve signed up for and instead work through them one at a time to finish my commitments. Needless to say in the future, I’m for sure going to take things slow and say no more.

    Till then, I’ll crack open one of the FOUR books I’m currently reading :).

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 3 at 2:15 pm

      Ok….This is probably my hardest “no.” I have a backlog of free {and paid} courses too! After reading the best yes, I made a list of them and made a promise to myself that I would not buy or sign up for a new one until I had gone through the ones on my list. It forced me to prioritize, and even “trash” some of the courses I had signed up for. While all of them are great, not all of them are right for me at this time. 🙂

      Reply
      • Lindsey says

        August 8 at 2:14 pm

        I started organizing mine by course and setting up their own little folder in my google drive/in my inbox. Now I can go through them one at a time. Currently I’m taking Living Well Spending Less unstuffed challenge :).

        Reply
  3. ME Marler says

    August 1 at 12:33 pm

    I feel guilty when I say no to worthy causes That I know are struggling to survive

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 3 at 2:11 pm

      It really can be hard. I know every holiday season when so many great causes are raising money and asking for help that you can quickly find yourself over budget and burnt out from volunteering. Remind yourself that there are so many great causes out there but it is not your responsibility to keep them all afloat. In fact, you may actually be able to have a greater impact by picking one cause that is nearest and dearest to you, and focusing your attention and support on just that one. That way, you are able to see an even bigger impact from your efforts.

      Reply
  4. Danielle says

    August 1 at 7:18 pm

    I love reading book reviews and this one struck a chord! There are no perfect decisions is something I needed to hear as I am currently deciding between taking a new job and staying in my current position.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 3 at 2:05 pm

      It’s amazing how my husband and I look back across our last 9 years and see how decisions took us in various directions. Even the decisions that we think we might go back and change, we quickly realize that if we changed them we would lose an aspect of our life that we have come to love.

      Reply
  5. Kristen @ Joyfully Thriving says

    August 1 at 8:41 pm

    Perfect timing with this, Kalyn! I was recently asked to serve on an executive board for a Christian counseling group in town. While it wouldn’t be a huge time commitment, after praying about it, I realized this is not the right time to say yes. It’s for something that I would love to support and I was honored with the asking, but I need to support them in another way. I’ve already read Best Yes, but I think I need to reread it! 🙂

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 3 at 2:02 pm

      It can be so hard to say “no” to those good things that seem like they would be a good fit…but aren’t. I’m sure your life is so full of “best yeses” right now!

      Reply
  6. Kim Fry says

    August 2 at 10:11 am

    I feel guilty when I say “No” to my kids on the simple things. It’s usually because I am rushing to get through or to something. I would LOVE to read this book! Thanks so much

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 3 at 1:55 pm

      Lysa writes about that guilty feeling that comes with saying no. But she reminds us that feelings are not always an honest gauge of whether or not we should say yes. Make sure you enter the giveaway!

      Reply
  7. Natalie @ Financegirl says

    August 3 at 8:18 am

    I haven’t read this book yet, but it reminds me so much of Henry Cloud’s “Boundaries”, which is one of my favorite books. This stuff is my favorite to read and write about. I love intentional living, growth, and personal development. Great post!

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 3 at 1:50 pm

      So many who haven’t read “The Best Yes” or “Boundaries” see these types of books as “Finding excuses to say no” when in fact they are all about saying yes… to the right things. I haven’t read “Boundaries” but I think I may need to take a look at it next. Thanks for the recommendation!

      Reply
  8. Lucie Kopecka says

    August 3 at 2:00 pm

    I love this post and I love the book! It quite reminds me the book I’ve recently read ‘You are a Badass’ and I love it.
    My last NO was when my grandma told me something and I was so busy that I said no. Then I felt just guilty. But I fixed it and it’s ok now. 😉
    http://www.inbluebox.com

    Reply
  9. Shannon says

    August 3 at 10:45 pm

    Whenever there is something I could have time for if I squeezed everything else I am doing around, and I end up saying No, I feel extremely guilty!

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 4 at 2:11 pm

      You need to read this book, Shannon. If you squeeze your life full of yeses, you won’t have any margin for when those opportunities come around that are your “best yes.” I totally understand the feeling, but the feeling of guilt over saying no is something that we all need to work on. 🙂

      Reply
  10. Deanna Fitzpatrick says

    August 6 at 9:38 am

    Church stuff is always hard to say no to because of the guilt aspect! Not liking conflict and people pleasing means I had/have a lot of instances come up that I need to learn to work through!

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 8 at 3:20 pm

      I’ve felt this way all the time before reading “The Best Yes.” This book really opened my eyes to how I was saying yes to ministries because I was feeling guilty. When the time came to do the work, I wasn’t enjoying them, I wasn’t passionate about them, and so I wasn’t putting my full energy into them. As a result I had to ask myself: was I really being a good “minister?”

      Since reading the book I have been presented with 3 “opportunities” to volunteer. After a lot of time, discussion, and prayer, I said no each time.

      The thing is, my husband and I are involved in a couple of ministries that we really do enjoy and that we really do have passion for. Because of that, we put a lot of energy into them and as a result we are doing really well in those ministries.

      Reply
  11. Cathy O says

    August 6 at 10:40 am

    I say “no” a lot and I feel guilty a lot but I remind myself that I’m only one person. I find it get’s easier to say no when your kids get older and you’re less involved in their activities.

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 8 at 3:14 pm

      You ARE only one person! Keep reminding yourself of that.

      Reply
  12. Krista Tomlinson says

    August 6 at 12:20 pm

    I always feel guilty when I have to miss church functions and family get-togethers. There are times that my schedule just doesn’t mesh with everyone else. I can’t please everyone but I still try to do so, which I am working on.

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 8 at 3:13 pm

      It’s ok to be sad when our schedules don’t work out – but we should not feel guilty. But it’s easy to feel that pressure on you if the family or friends on the other side aren’t understanding of the situation.

      Reply
  13. Plusbizarre says

    August 7 at 7:32 am

    I used to be a “yes” person but in a wrong way, I think. I used to say more “no” to my family and friends than to colleagues or people I know less…and it was awful. I’m trying to manage this behaviour because I think that should be the exact contrary but I’m stuck in the process: how can I actually apply this? And it’s right after all, or there is a better way to manage my yes and no? I’ll definitely read the book you’re talking about! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 8 at 3:11 pm

      It’s all about managing your priorities. The relationships {and ministries, and commitments} that matter the most to you should get more yeses than the others, for sure. You’ll love the book!

      Reply
  14. Lainee says

    August 7 at 7:57 pm

    I have a hard time saying no to my mother, especially when she asks me for favors or to spend time with her when I’d rather not or have other plans.

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 8 at 3:08 pm

      Family is probably the hardest to say no to. And of course we should not always say no. 🙂 Learning your boundaries, and then effectively communicating them with others, can be incredibly difficult…especially when they are related to you.

      Reply
  15. Kristie Ingerto says

    August 7 at 8:21 pm

    Oh my goodness, there have been so many times I feel guilty, that I typically say yes because I feel bad…either at work, personal/social life and with family.

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 8 at 3:09 pm

      Lysa tackles tackles “guilt being a bad motivator for saying yes” in the book! 🙂

      Reply
  16. Lydia says

    August 7 at 9:14 pm

    To be honest, I’ve done pretty good lately at saying no simply because I felt so sick during my pregnancy that I couldn’t do much and now with a newborn I don’t feel bad saying no either. But….typically it’s not quite that easy for me. 🙂 One of the last times I remember the most clearly was when a friend asked me to babysit and I said no simply because I already felt overloaded. It felt like I didn’t have a “good enough” reason to say no.

    Reply
    • Kalyn Brooke says

      August 8 at 3:04 pm

      It can be very difficult to say no because we are afraid that others will feel that we are being selfish. One thing that we need to remember is that we do not answer to everyone else as to why we say no. We also need to remember that when someone says “no” to us, they don’t need to have a “good enough” reason for us either.

      Proud of you for knowing your limits and saying no, even though it was difficult.

      Reply

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Hi, I’m Kalyn—a recovering perfectionist who nerds out about organizing systems, personal productivity, and helping you prioritize what matters over the pressure to do it all. I have a feeling we’re about to become the best of friends! Learn more >>

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Minimalism ≠ Deprivation.⁣
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Sadly, I find m

Minimalism ≠ Deprivation.⁣
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Sadly, I find most people resist minimalism because they can't wrap their head around "having less." People tend to equate this movement with blank walls, white IKEA furniture, and decluttering everything in your home down to practically nothing so you can live full-time in an RV. Like me. 😉⁣
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But, while minimalism could be all that, this mindset misses the point. Minimalism is not only about “having less.” 🚫⁣
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It’s so much more than that.⁣
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This week on the blog, I'm sharing the REAL definition of minimalism (that people who love their stuff can totally get behind!) as well as practical ways to incorporate minimalism into your life. 🎉⁣
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Drop a heart emoji in the comments below and I'll send the link to your DM's! 💖

I love lazy Saturday mornings…as long as I have
I love lazy Saturday mornings...as long as I have a book and a cozy blanket! 😍

I wrote this in my journal the other day: 📓⁣

I wrote this in my journal the other day: 📓⁣
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“I’ve been thinking about what tech boundaries I want to instill, including boundaries related to work and productivity. I’ve become less careful about my media consumption, and it’s having a negative affect on my mental health.” 💞⁣
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Have you ever felt a similar tug? ⁣
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I can’t begin to tell you how many times I pick up my phone because I’m bored or lonely or jealous or unhappy. It almost always makes me feel worse. And yet...I struggle to stop. 😝⁣
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Here are the ideas I’ve been trying this month and I’m already seeing a positive effect:⁣
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➕ No logging into social media after 8pm. I need to wind down for the night, not get lost in my phone! 📲⁣
➕ Open Instagram with a purpose—either to post or to interact. Stop endlessly scrolling.⁣
➕ My only screen time before 9am should be for Bible Study apps or News. 🗞⁣
➕ Turn my phone on Do Not Disturb during Tiger Time (when I need the most focus for work) 💪⁣
➕ Work no more than 4 hours on my business per day. If a task isn’t complete, push it to the next day. This time frame has really helped me prioritize! 💻⁣
➕ Watch one show per day (or two if they are short!) and leave movies for the weekend. 📺⁣
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What tech boundaries have you set up? Are any new as of this year? I’d love to hear your ideas! 😃

What’s one thing you budget for that other peopl
What’s one thing you budget for that other people might not? I always find those interesting. 😃⁣
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You might have a mortgage. I budget for campgrounds. You might want a separate clothing budget, while I’m fine combining it under “Beauty and Style.” Recently, we also added a new line item for our motorcycle—something I NEVER thought would appear in our budget. ⁣
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See, we’re all different! ⁣
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Recently, I rearranged my budget categories and created this “cheat sheet.” Sometimes I forget where things go, like picking up new wall art for the living room. Does this item belong in the categories of Household Items or Home Maintenance? 🤔⁣
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Now I know! And I save time processing receipts each Friday. 🧾⁣
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What budgeting categories do you use? Share one of your random budget line items with me in the comments below! 😃

I call 2020 the Year of Abandoned Books. ⁣
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I

I call 2020 the Year of Abandoned Books. ⁣
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I’m never afraid to stop reading a book if it doesn’t live up to the hype. Why invest more time in a book I’m not all that excited about when I could be exploring new authors and storylines where I can’t wait to turn the page? 🤷⁣
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But in 2020, I let more books go than I normally do. I suppose my patience dwindled when I thought the world was ending. Not that I thought the world was actually ending…but you know what I mean. 😉⁣
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As an Enneagram 1, I hate giving up on a book. I’m prone to the all-or-nothing mentality, even in my reading habits. My eyes could glaze over boring prose and I’d still repeat to myself: “You MUST finish this book!” 😫⁣
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Why? ⁣
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No one is adding a plastic star to your Book-It pin, (Remember those?) This isn’t assigned reading from your high school English class. This is YOUR reading life. ⁣
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And YOU should choose what books deserve your attention. 📚⁣
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There are too many good ones out there anyway.  Like one of my favorite reads from 2020. 😍⁣
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This week’s newest blog post rounds up everything I read last year (43 books total!) including 5-star psychological thrillers, a delightful royal series, a couple self-help books, and of course, historical fiction.⁣
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Click the link in my bio to read it! ☝⁣
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What were your favorite books in 2020? Our literary styles might be a match made in heaven! ✨

My planner/journal lineup for 2021. 👆 ⁣
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T

My planner/journal lineup for 2021. 👆 ⁣
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These small but mighty sidekicks will be my saving grace this year. 📚⁣
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1️⃣ Bullet Journal (Blue) - for everyday planning and goal setting⁣
2️⃣ Regular Journal (Yellow) - to track gratitude (5 things a day!) and to process ALL the feelings⁣
3️⃣ Growth Journal (Sand) - a space for me to brain dump everything I learn from books, podcasts, sermons, etc ⁣
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That last one is new to me as of this year and I can't wait to flip back through all my notes come December! 📆⁣
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What planners/journals are you using for 2021?


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