7 Truths About Marrying Young: Lessons from a Teenage Bride

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7 years ago today I married my best friend, and although this isn’t a post I would normally write on Creative Savings, it felt fitting to do so today. I hope you enjoy it! 

When is someone "too young" to get married? One girl's perspective as a teenage bride shows you how marrying young CAN beat the odds!

I knew he was the one the moment his father became the next pastor of our small church. OK, maybe that’s pushing it, but I did have my eye on him!

While I still had a lot of growing up to do before I started even seriously thinking about boys, I secretly hoped he might look at me someday the way I had always imagined…..and finally, he did. I was 16, and he was 20.

We had a lot of pushback from those who thought he was “too old for me” and I was “too young for him”, but we had the time of our lives getting to know each other during those years. We were and still are the absolute best of friends, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. And so, a few months after I turned 19, he popped the question, I said YES, and we married 3 weeks before my 20th birthday.

While I don’t want to say that marrying young is for everyone and glamorize it into this incredibly romantic notion, I do want to share 7 truths I’ve learned along the way. The statistics may be against us, but whether you were a young bride, or are thinking about becoming one, you won’t want to miss what it takes to beat the odds!

1. It Takes Confidence to Pull Off a Young Marriage

If I’m being totally honest, I’m certainly not a confident person by nature. I’m a classic introvert, and would rather sit behind the computer typing away than be at a social situation that I can’t control. Although I’d like to say I’ve gained a little bit of confidence since that day Joseph asked me to marry him, I still struggle with it…..a lot.

I worried about what other people would think about our decision to get married, rather than relying on the encouragement from our supportive family and friends. Do they think I’m too young? Are they silently judging my choices? I promise I’ll finish college! 

If I could go back and change those moments, I would be way more confident in my decision.knew it was the best one for us to make and I wouldn’t have it any other way, despite anyone who thought we would be much better off waiting.

7 Truths About Marrying Young | Creative Savings

2. Your Wedding Choices Follow You Everywhere

This is sort of a funny one, but ohhh if I had only known how much my tastes would change in the last 7 years!

From place settings to bridesmaid dresses, sometimes I wish I had been a little bit older to make some better choices. Not that anything I picked out or planned was bad, it was just very different than how I would actually put together a wedding and home right now.

Thankfully, we have a second chance with our new home here in Florida {I’m already pinning a TON of ideas!}, and although I definitely don’t need another wedding, a vow renewal party might be fun for a significant anniversary…and new photos!

But I’ll always love my wedding dress and I took amazing pictures of it to keep before I donated it (read the full story of why I gave away my wedding gown here!).

3. Realize That You Give Up Quite a Bit

I was just a little naive at how much I had to give up when I walked down the aisle at 19.

For one, I gave up my experience as a single woman in college….and though that might not seem like much, it was quite awkward when friends would find out I was actually married. It almost made me seem older to them, and less willing to “let loose” and just have fun.

I also gave up a bigger dating scene. With no real serious boyfriend before Joseph, I sometimes felt the lack of experience affected my friend choices. Instead of feeling free to go out with whomever I chose, I was attached while so many of my girlfriends were not.

4. But You Gain Even More

After thinking about how much I may or may not have missed, I soon realized that what I gave up was far less than what I chose.

That dating scene I had coveted was totally not worth trading my precious marriage. I had a best friend who woke up with me every day, worked hard for our family, and helped me with my college homework and studying for finals in the evening. I actually had a partner that supported me wholeheartedly and pushed me to succeed.

Plus, I didn’t have to worry about whom to hang out with, date, or marry, because I was already taken. And that was SO wonderful!

7 Truths About Marrying Young | Creative Savings5. You Will Be Scrutinized More Than Ever

I wish I could say the scrutiny stops after you are married, but there were times when we felt like we were scrutinized even more. As just a couple of married kids, our decisions were second-guessed, not taken seriously, and we were always told others knew best because of our lack of experience.

Looking back, I understand that some of our decisions were made in naiveté, and I can’t blame anyone who tried to lovingly guide us along the way. However, we wish we could have been treated a little more like adults those first few years. Humor us?

6. You Experience a Different Season of Life

One of the hard things we faced as a young married couple was finding new friendships. Most of our friends were still single, while older married couples were just beginning the baby and toddler stage. We didn’t have much in common with anyone, and every social situation just seemed awkward.

Even though this in-between stage was difficult at first, it actually brought us closer together. When friends weren’t around, we found a ton of fun activities and date ideas to do together (which I of course, enjoyed so much more!).

7 Truths About Marrying Young | Creative Savings

7. Marriage is Truly What You Make It

Every day, I’m reminded how lucky we are to have made it this far. We lived through mismatched furniture, minimum-wage jobs, sketchy apartments, and natural disasters. We’ve also learned how to adjust household duties and create harmony in the kitchen.

But I truly believe marriage comes down to what you make it….at any age. We could blame a lot on our inexperience, but we’ve both committed 110% to our vows. We don’t ever use our young marriage as an excuse!

As I reflect on all these memories for our 7th anniversary, I can honestly say I’ve never regretted the choice I made that day. Obviously our marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s perfect for us, and the fact that we’ve made it to the seven-year-itch without feeling itchy is a big accomplishment!

What Lessons Have You Learned in Your Marriage?

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Curious to know when the majority of Creative Savings readers got married? There was an overwhelming response on the following Facebook post and it was so much fun to see when everyone tied the knot!

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73 Comments

  1. I was 15 when i met my husband, he was 21. We married 2 months after my 16th birthday.
    21 years later and 2 beautiful daughters and we are still happier than ever. Our daughters are 20 and 17 and most of our friends have children under 10 and at the time would say i can’t believe you’re settling down so young, won’t you get bored, it won’t last.. we don’t feel we have missed out at all in life, we’ve done everything we have ever wanted to do. We’ve grown together and shared so much. I do agree with you when you say how much your tastes changed in a short space of time and so many things i would have done differently regarding the wedding also we’d be the only couple in the friends group when invited out but it was always a good topic of conversation too as people were like wow so you guys are married for 8 years and you’re only 24… people always seem amazed! We don’t regret a single minute of it and hope to have many more wonderful years!

  2. I can relate so well to this also. Met when we were both nineteen and engaged at 20. Married when we had just turned 22. I feel we grew together for the final stages of our teen to twenties transition. Whst helped was delaying children until into our early thirties so we had a lot of going out to clubs like singles and so much late night fun, but with each other. A lot of stress taken off us at that stage as we already had found our life partner. No regrets at all just that I met my soul mate so young.!!! I would totally change up the wedding if getting married today! It was really my Mum’s wedding plan not mine. Haha…Now I have a nearly 14yr old daughter dating a very compatible boy and I feel they also might last the distance and marry early too…ah well…young love. When you meet your ONE you just know, whatever the age, that it will last. I feel if you are committed and willing to grow together in the same direction you can survive anything life throws at you. At any age. This year marks our Silver wedding. Heres to another 25 years, and God willing more like 50 yrs together yet to come!

  3. I married my husband the month he turned 18, after graduating (I was 16, about to be 17). That was almost 43 years ago, and we are still together — 4 children, my bachelor degree, and his associates degree, 9 grand children, and 5 great grand children later! Note: we inherited a few of the grand children; thus, explaining great grandchildrenπŸ˜€. Life has been a roller coaster ride, but love & stubborn determination has proved all the skeptics wrong about us being too young to ever make it! God has blessed us far beyond what we deserve…all the praise belongs to HIM alone.

    Reed

  4. I can relate to this SO much! I’m currently 19 years old and married my 20 year old husband when I was 18 and he was 19, we will be celebrating our one year of marriage in January! I can honestly relate to every single one of those! It’s great to know that I’m not the only one who feels like that, and that young marriages can last, such as yours! We get so nuch negativity about being married young, and alot of doubt about our marriage, but we don’t listen to it. Only we truly know how in love we are with eachother and how committed we are to our marriage, and to eachother. I too, don’t and will NEVER regret my decision to marry my husband at all, eventhough we’ve only been married a year. But you know what they say, the first year of marriage is the hardest, and we’re almost in the clear, although it couldn’t have been easier for us! I can’t wait to meet that 7 year mark, just like you and your husband !

    1. Here’s some more encouragement for you Annette, I wrote this post 3 years ago, and Joseph and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary this year! Keep making your relationship with your husband a priority in your life and you won’t have to worry about proving the doubters wrong because soon enough you might just have people telling you they want their relationship to be like yours.

  5. I am 20 and my husband is 24; we got married last summer. And I’m currently in college finishing up my degree. Your post dealt with so many of the things I’ve been going through. It really helps to know I am not alone and to read your insight. Thank you so much for making this post.

  6. I just came across your post and realized that I’m not alone! I knew other people got married young but didn’t think anyone felt the same things I do. I met my soon to be husband when I was 16 and he was 20 too. I’ll be getting married in June and will be 19. I still struggle with my confidence when I tell people I’m engaged not because I am ashamed but because I see them look at me differently afterwards. Thank you for posting this. I’m glad everything is thriving in your marriage. Best wishes, Katie

    1. Congratulations, Katie! Never forget that marriage is what you make it! When tough times hit, some people may tempt you with the idea that the tough times were because you were too young when you got married. Just remember that it’s not true because you will hit tough times no matter when you get married! Take your vows seriously, and make your marriage awesome!

  7. Love this post! I was 19 and my husband was 21 when we married 20 years ago so I totally relate. We both finished college, too. Now I’m an ER nurse with 4 children and very thankful for the choice we made?. You are also so kind in every post and comment that I’ve read. Thank you for your informative blog and your caring attitude!

  8. so true! My husband and I were 19 and 20 when we married, both still in college. Two years later we graduated while I was pregnant (with triplets!) for the first time. Our daughters arrived during the first week of my husband’s pharmacy school classes, just a couple months after we moved two states away from family. Several years full of hard work followed, with baby #4 (a son) arriving when the girls were 3 years old; we moved 4 months later following my husband’s graduation for him to continue training with a hospital residency. May I also mention that he was in a serious car wreck when our son was 7 weeks old, leaving him completely dependent on me for all of his care for a few months- unable to even feed himself, walk, or shower? I’m our six years of marriage we’ve experienced a LOT of life, and we’re just 26 and 25. Many of the people we know are just starting to get married or have their first child, while we have 4! It’s certainly had its share of challenges, but I would never go back to wait longer for marriage (or having kids). We’ve grown through these challenges, and we are a very blessed, contented family!

    1. I’m so glad you shared your story with me, Katie! I can’t even imagine having my husband totally dependent on me. I know we would get through it {as you have}, but still — I admire you for being so strong! And triplets? That’s amazing!

  9. WAAAAY late here, but just discovering this post and it’s so lovely!! So insightful. I’m already 25, so I don’t think it necessarily applies to me, but in a lot of ways it definitely does as friends around me scoff at my long-term relationship and even more friends tie the knot. It’s such a beautiful post and I’m so impressed and inspired not only that you shared this with everyone but that you pulled it off in the first place. Congrats to both of you x

  10. Well written! While I would have been happy getting married young, I was 27 before I married my husband, and he was 31. He was worth every minute of the wait! Thank you for sharing your story. Let’s keep celebrating God’s gift of marriage!

  11. Agreed — you definitely grow closer together during this time, and it’s so fun being married to your best friend! I love that you knew on your first date!!

  12. I was married at 19 as well (he was 25)! We haven’t made it to our 3 year mark yet but I love each thing you’ve pointed out! It’s hard to find people our age to spend time with or double date with, but I wouldn’t have it any other way! We’ve grown so close over the last few years. He’s my best friend and waking up to him everyday is the best thing ever! Thankfully everyone on our end was very supportive of our decision to get married so young. Like you, I KNEW half way through our first date that he was the one πŸ™‚ Best Decision Ever! <3

  13. I had just turned 19 and he was 23. Eight years and five kids later, we are still happily married. Our families were nervous for us, but when you know you know, right?!

  14. I realize this post is probably old but I’m 18 and getting married in a month, hes 20 and everyone (including our families) are judging us and telling us not to. I finally decided almost a year ago when my uncle told me the storyabout him and my aunt, they have been together 32 years. They met and married the same year, she was 16, he was 19. The best advice he told ,e was “Don’t let anyone tell you 17 doesn’t matter, you feel how you feel and that’s enough.” We got engaged the next week, I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him and our path with God. πŸ™‚
    Thank you for the help.

    1. Faith, I’m so glad you were encouraged by this post! It’s hard with family because parents and those close to us want what’s best, and getting married young can be nervewracking for them. I wish you the BEST in your marriage and I think if you enter it without the intention to prove them wrong, but more of a “How can we make this work for life, and better our marriage and ourselves” kind of focus, then you’re commitment will be stronger than ever. Congrats!

    2. That sounds very familiar!!!! I also got married at 18 my husband was 20. The amount of people who took me aside to tell me I was crazy or gossiped behind my back astounded me! I felt no support from those I thought were my friends. We are coming up on our 2nd year and although it’s not always easy, neither of us are sorry we did it. It’s hard being the only one among my friends that married or my age but its worth it. It’s your life. Follow your heart

  15. Seriously weird that we have almost the exact same story. πŸ™‚ My hubby and I were 17 and 18 when we met. We started talking marriage 3 months later but promised our parents we would wait until one of us graduated from college. Let’s just say I finished up college in 3.5 years very intentionally. lol Got married at 21. My advice for people who marry young is for the girl to live on your own, outside your parents house with a good gal friend before you move from mom and dad’s house to your new home with your husband/wife. I agree with you Kayln.

    1. I think living on your own before you get married is great advice. I went straight from mom and dad’s to my own home with my husband, and it just felt weird – lol!

  16. I got married a few months after I turned 20, and I totally relate to EVERYTHING on your list. Our situation was a little more complicated, since we were also pregnant. Yeah, the whole judging thing (points 1 and 5) was insane. Being married young with a kid is kind of like being the poor lion in a gossip Colosseum: everyone is taking a stab at you. To be fair, I don’t think people knew how hurtful it really was. We were also treated as if we were “too old” for young adult/couple events and “too young” for just about everything else (point 6).

    I’ve definitely had to learn how to kill the rumors with kindness and evidence. We’ve been married for 8 awesome years and our daughter is the best behaved, crazy-brilliant and beautiful kid ever. I’m currently wrapping up graduate school and my husband is in his 2nd year for his bachelor’s. We have a new car, and we’re buying our first house this year. It’s been a long journey, and most of it has been uphill, but I wouldn’t trade an easier path for my fantastic marriage.

    1. Jamie, I’m so very sorry to hear about the hurt you went through during that time, and I can’t imagine the struggle of feeling so in-between. Glad to hear your marriage is awesome and your daughter sounds like an amazing girl! Congrats on all your success this far!

  17. Love your story! I’m always happy to hear about successful marriages, too many people view marriage negatively these days. I didn’t marry quite as young as you but I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 24, so about the same age gap as you. We didn’t marry until I was 22 (engaged at 21). So even though I wasn’t as young, I can understand some of your marrying young truths.

    I didn’t have the going off to college experience and such either. But it’s never really felt like a loss to me. Like you, I’ve always been kind of an introvert as well so I didn’t really want to do a lot of those early-20’s college and partying things anyways.

    By the time we got engaged I had no doubts. I don’t even think either of us had any wedding day jitters. We just knew it was meant to be. Now, here we are, 6 years into our marriage and he’s still my best friend and I’m 13 weeks pregnant with our first child. πŸ™‚ I wouldn’t change a thing and have never felt deprived of those “things you do young” but felt fortunate to have found and married my best friend. I’m glad to see that you did too. πŸ™‚

    1. Awww….thanks for sharing your story with me! Having a spouse as your best friend is such an amazing thing. Congrats on the new addition! πŸ™‚

  18. We married not that young, he was 24 and I was almost 24, and I feel the same way about the wedding, friends, and missing out on the single scene. Been together since we were sophomores in college, missed a lot of crazy college experiences my friends had.

  19. I’ve never “met” anyone whose story and dates are as similar as ours are. I was married at 19, just before my 20th birthday. We were married in May, and are very happily married seven years later. We also do not have children (yet)…I don’t think that most young people that get married are really undrestanding the gravity of the committment, but if we knew the whole-would we choose it? Seven years are not easy but I look forward to the next seven and the next and the next. We are certainly different people than we were on our wedding day, but I like us better, and I’m excited to see who we become!

    1. Oh wow, you’re right – our stories are pretty similar! I think you make a great point about not fully understanding the nitty gritty of marriage until you’re a few years into it. But if you’re committed to stick it out, it can be such a beautiful thing.

  20. I met my husband while a junior in high school. One week after senior prom and one week before graduation we were married. Everyone’s assumption of course was that I was pregnant. Not true! Our daughter was born 4.5 years later. Next year we’ll celebrate our TWENTIETH wedding anniversary! There have been hard times, fun times and even scary times but I wouldn’t change a thing. I didn’t experience a lot of what my friends/peers did after graduating high school but I wouldn’t say I missed out on anything. 2 children and a loving husband….I am blessed.

  21. I love this! I, too, married young although I was 20. We will celebrate 20 years of marriage later this month and I still get shocked responses from friends when they found out how long we’ve been married. I just laugh and tell them that I was a child bride. I always expected that age wouldn’t matter after so long but, evidently, it still does.

  22. Married at 21 while still in college. That was nearly 15 years ago. I feel like a pro hockey player- lots of wins and losses and scars to prove the battles happened. I know that everyday is going to require work and with it comes success.
    College, law school, kids, house, careers, medical emergencies, we’ve been through so much. Thanks for reminding me of all the hope I felt on that day if marriage so long ago.

  23. I was married the first time at 19. I loved it for quite a while, but did get itchy and thought I had missed out on so much. It took me 10 years to get married again so I got the chance to get my itch scratched. I am now happily married to a wonderful man for nearly 15 yrs. We keep reminding each other why we got married in the first place. It was quick, 1 date, 1 month and we got married. I think God knew all along what he was doing….
    As for the wedding thing. My advice is just to get married, no waiting to PLAN that day; save the money you would have spent on a wedding and put it toward a significant financial decision, like a house, college, a car etc…. have a big fun POT LUCK party and introduce your new spouse to the family and friends that come. No regrets for having a very small second wedding w/a costume party later in the month to celebrate (it was October), the small cost was worth it. I believe we have too much emphasis on a BIG wedding and not enough on the cost of such an extravagance. AND no regrets over color scheme, bridesmaids dresses and etc….

    1. Wow, thanks so much for sharing your story. I totally agree with not spending a lot of money on a wedding. A really great one CAN be pulled off for way less than people think!

  24. Oh yes, I have to agree. We married at 20 and our 27th anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks. I cannot imagine life without my best friend. Actually, we did live in seperate states for one year due to a career change for him. We hated it. Longest, most stressful year of my life. Have to laugh about the home decorating choices. I still have 6 dinner plates left from my Pfaltzgraff selection and I have been so tempted to accidentally drop them to get them broken so I can get something else. Really tired of mid 80’s country style…lol.

    1. Happy early anniversary! I couldn’t even imagine trying to live in 2 different states for an entire year….wow, I’m so glad you got through it. I’ve been very tempted to drop mine too, although the frugal in me always resists… πŸ™‚

  25. Ahh loved this post. I’ve been with my husband since I was 17 but we waited 7 years to get married and have now been married for 19 years!

  26. YES! I don’t care about my wedding choices, but many of these I found very true for me. I was married when I was 20 and still in college. What a great post. Thanks so much for writing it!

  27. I enjoyed this article very much! I was 19, and my husband was 18. We were planning a nice modest wedding but just couldn’t afford it. His dad and a few friends tried to talk us out of getting married but we did anyway. We went to the courthouse and that was ok with me cause at least we were together and married. We each made about $4 an hour back then and had this little apartment. We rarely had much food, but it taught us to share everything. At our lowest we had only .39 for a little burger to share. We literally searched through every inch of our car for a dime to add cheese. We didn’t have it, so we did without. lol That was 21 years, and 4 kids ago and while it was brutal at the time, that silly burger story is very dear to me. There’s been ups and downs but it’s been wonderful because no matter what, it’s us against the world, and never one against the other. We finished growing up together.

    1. Kristie, thanks so much for sharing that story with me! Sometimes I think going through the hard stuff in life together is one of the things that really makes or breaks a marriage. I love that yours is standing the test of time. πŸ™‚

    2. I really relate to this. When my hubby and I first married we had $17 to weekly shop on. Whole chickens were my best friend. You could get 3 meals out of that. I was 18 when I fell in love with my bf, 21 when I was finally allowed to married (I unfortunately listened to the voices) and we have been married for 18 years. My daughter is 17 and getting married in the next couple of months. The same voices are trying to talk her out of it. But this mama has been shutting it down. Thank you for the stories.

      1. It’s fun to have the memories of those “lean” times when you’re just starting a life together! I’m so glad that you don’t regret your choice to marry at an early age either. And how awesome that you’re supporting your daughter as she does the same thing!

  28. Great article…very true! I was engaged at 18 and married at 19. We have now been together for 14 years and blissfully married for almost 11. He is still the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me and has helped make me into the wife and mother I am today. I wish I could have read this article when I was engaged or first married. It really gives a lot of insight and truths to feelings in early, young marriages. Its encouraging to know that I am not alone. Great job!!

  29. I fell in love with my high school sweetheart. We married at 20 and yes it was tough being young.
    You are correct marriage is what you make it. We have raised two awesome kids and have one grand baby.
    Married for 28 years and still going strong! There will always be ups and downs but leaving was never an option. I don’t ever regret marrying him for one minute.

  30. My husband and I were married when I was 17 and he was 21. Twenty-five years later, we are still happily married, although, I can say those early years weren’t easy. What has helped us stand the test of time is our willingness to be partners and God’s grace. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the situation, especially, as I graduated high school and college with the support of my husband. Sometimes, I envied my single friends in college, but, in the end, I know my college career was enhanced by my home situation. I can’t say it will work for everyone, but it did for me. Thanks for your insights!!

  31. Almost 22 the first time and 32 the second time. I am by far happier this time around, but that’s just me! It’s my current husband’s first marriage and he was 39! I guess he waited for the right one while I was in a hurry! Ha!

  32. Congratulations on 7 years and not being “itchy” that is fabulous!! I too can easily relate to what you’re talking about my husband and I were 19 years old when we wed almost 29 years ago. Yes, we were told by many that we were too young, the church we got married in even made us go to pre-marriage counseling. We are definitely each others best friend!! We have 5 wonderful sons and lots of mismatched furniture but we wouldn’t trade it or do it over any differently. Marriage is something we truly believe that should be celebrated. Celebrate Passionately!!!
    I liked your blog before and now I do even more. Best Wishes!! Toodles, Barbi

  33. My late husband and I were high school sweethearts and married at 19. We had a marvelous 47 1/3 years of married life. Christians. Best friends. Lovers. Parents of two wonderful girls, grandparents of five good grandchildren, great-grandparents of four littles so far. I miss him but wouldn’t change anything. After all, he is in Heaven with Jesus! How great is that!

    1. That is so amazing you were married all those years! I can’t even imagine losing my husband at any age, but when it does happen, I hope I’m able to look at it the same way you do. You are so inspiring!

  34. I was wed at 17, and not for the commonly thought of reasons, but for love. Babies came some 6 years down the road. I love your blog and your insight. One I would add, is that we finished raising one another. In doing that, who can complain about the results. πŸ˜‰ This year we celebrate 26 year. God bless you and good luck.

  35. You really could have been talking about me! With only a few tweaks (I was a mere 15 and he had just graduated high school) it is our story exactly! I had to laugh about the wedding planning too, I’m so in the same boat when I look at old pics. But 11 years, more moves than I can count, career changes, and three kids later and he’s still my best friend!

    1. I just have to tell you that after reading your comment, I thought you got married at 15, but then I went and read your bio on your blog and realized you met your husband at 15! Lol! Of course, this post is totally not judging teenage marriages {obviously}, but I was almost like, wow, girl! πŸ™‚

  36. So we were out of college when we got married, but I still had to chuckle at #2. I’ve had the same thoughts, partly from my tastes changing – and partly because I never “dreamed” about my wedding day and so didn’t know what possibilities were out there. Oh, and mostly because Pinterest wasn’t around. πŸ™‚ But my wonderful husband has assured me that we can have a vow-renewal ceremony for one of our “big” anniversaries, and I can “Pinterest” plan it to my heart’s content! I am totally looking forward to that! πŸ˜€

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